Friday, July 11, 2014

Running the Race

A great blog by my friend *Jill. If you have ever experienced betrayal, you know how alone and scary that can feel. Jill attends Journey, our support group for spouses of the sexually broken. If you've ever felt like you were running your race alone, I pray her words will encourage you. 

For the ladies that are courageous enough to walk this journey by my side....

I laugh when I think about our friendships--friendships that start off gut-wrenching deep, yet I don't know your favorite color, hobbies or books (except the books about how to survive the crisis).

Among the things you don't know about me is that I hate to run - I'm a walker, could walk for miles and miles, but running is beast of a different kind. Recently I decided to tackle this beast once and for all.  

 During my journey this year, I realized how often I played the "poor me" card and not just in my pain, but in lots of things like running. I saw friends who would run miles and miles and they loved it.  They were in shape, felt a personal accomplishment and even ran marathons.

I am realizing that if I want to achieve something, no one will do it for me.  If I'm going to become a runner, no one can do it but me... I need to take ownership and focus on the goal.  

So my mind was made up, I was going to do it.  That being said, I had to get out of my pajamas.

This morning I knew if I didn't get up early and run, I would never make it to Journey,my weekly support group.  I started out as I often do, running to the music, imagining I'm running a marathon, seeing the finish line at the end.. it's me and Jesus, He is saying "You are strong, you can do this." 

 But then, something amazing happened, I started running with my friend who is on this journey with me, I know I can't keep up with her, she has long legs and is an experienced runner. I will try and keep up, as she is such an inspiration to me.  She is learning the new dance without her husband by her side, she plays the role of both mom and dad. 

Another pulls in beside me -- she is struggling to get up in the morning.. She has been dealt a heavy hand, images flash before her eyes at what was hidden from her for so long.  Can she trust him again, is she enough, does she stay or does she go? I'm running with you, side by side. 

 I round the curve and pick up my other friend, who has dealt with fears that have been gripping her throughout her life.  She too is learning a new dance. Now a single mom, she gave up the big house up, fancy dishes and her "perfect" from the outside life. She is free from the every day reminders but grief hits her when she least expects it... I'm running with you, side by side. 

 I'm getting tired and my legs are kinda shaky but just when I want to stop, another friend joins me on the run.  She is new to the race, only 6 weeks into it, not sure if she wants to stay the course, lots of unresolved issues, deeper wounds in her heart.  Boundaries are what she is trying to put in place but, oh, how I know that is a tough one... I'm running with you side by side.. 

As I pass the bench where I really could stop, I see another friend sitting there believing she is alone. We help her to her feet and get her running, this course is hard, the hardest I've ever been on, but she needs us and we need her.  She sees a change in her husband for the better but not sure it's real yet.  Lots of kids that count on her -- she's wondering if he is really in this for the long term.  Her heart hurts for the betrayal that is real and painful.  Come on girl, we can run this together.  You have a whole army of wounded running with you.  We have blisters, worn shoes and tired feet, but we are still running... 

In the next few months, I hope to graduate to the neighborhood hills, tackling the steeper terrain.  I know I can... if you see me running know that I am not alone. I'm running with you.

*Names have been changed for reasons of confidentiality.

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