I am the most loved mommy in the world. Sometimes loved way too much. Levi, my 4 year old, loves me so much that he believes I can conquer the world. I don't know where he got this crazy idea because he sees my weaknesses every day. He sees that I get tired. He hears me tell him that I can't cook supper, clean the kitchen, and play with him simultaneously. He has called me out on speaking harshly. He knows I fail in many ways.
So, it feels odd to me that Levi looks to me for his safety.
I had a meeting this week and told Levi that I wouldn't be home. I explained that Dad would take care of him and get him to bed that night.
"No, Mommy! You have to be here. Dad doesn't know how to make me not scared. I just love you so much. You make me not afraid." Honestly, those were his words.
Immediately, 1 John 4:18 came to my mind. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
Because at this young age, children view their parents as god-like, it's not an all bad thing that Levi's safety is wrapped up in me. But that security needs to expand to include his dad, and placing Levi in his dad's care for the evening can help with that. Eventually, both Kevin and I want to see Levi finding that safety and security in his Heavenly Daddy.
I have a part in helping Levi to move his faith to his Heavenly Father. I get to direct his attention there. I get to train him to see how God is providing for him, how God is with him, and how God loves him like crazy. That's what that verse in Deuteronomy 11:19 is all about. "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
Levi will soon grow up and be awakened to the reality of his parents not being the all in all. And as the years go by, I pray that the safety Levi feels with me and his dad will successfully transfer to the One who does not fail or tire.
There is only one God. And His perfect love is lavished on us through Jesus, His Son. I need One who can cover me, protect me, be my refuge and my strength. Levi needs His perfect love so that he can feel safe and let go of his fear of the dark.
This is a growing place for me for I am weak and given to fear. I am a sheep who trembles at the sound of rushing water. I have to be led by the quiet waters for my soul to find rest and be restored. And I am thankful for a gentle Savior who knows my every need.
In Deuteronomy 33:12, Moses is blessing the tribe of Benjamin. Benjamin was the smallest and weakest of the tribes of Israel. Here is the blessing given to Benjamin, "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders."
I love this verse because I identify with Benjamin. I am small and weak, so I hear the special loving care the Lord has for me. He will shield me. I can rest secure in Him.
The second part of this verse is a beautiful picture of a weary child being carried on the back of the Father. The child can't keep up. His little legs can't walk as fast or as far as those around him. His strength is small, but He can rest between the shoulders of his dad and be carried when he is exhausted.
I like to imagine myself lying on the back of the Father, laying my head down between His very strong shoulders, feeling His arms wrapped underneath me holding me snugly, and then falling asleep to the rhythm of His pace. That is perfect peace for me and perfect love from Him.
"Father, give me a heart like Levi. Let my love for you grow until I am no longer afraid. Let me give You my fears and anxieties and trust that Your perfect love will drive them out. You are strong, You are good. You shield me and carry me, may I rest secure in You."